Last Will Jokes

Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

How did the black woman name her 4 babies?

Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.

How did she differentiate them?

She called them by their last names.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

A text message conversation. The first message says, "What's up?" The second says, "Dude, you're going to kill me. I was a little drunk last night and talking to your wife and I ended up banging her car in the driveway when I pulled out. I think I hit your daughter's bike too. I'll come fix it later, but please say sorry for me to your wife." The third message says, "Not delivered". The last message says "and your daughter".

I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"

What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

"Windows 10 shutting down."

I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"

Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.