Know jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home base is.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a pet monkey?
No.
Neither did she.
My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
Like if you know someone is emo and comment "emo🇷🇺."
Do you know Imagine Dragons? Imagine dragon these nuts across your face!
"Fatherless jokes aren't funny, you know."
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
Did you know that in 2001 there was an Among Us game, except that it was on a plane and had two imposters.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?
Because they don't know who's Homer.
I asked an orphan where his parents were.
(God, I wish I knew)
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?
Neither did she.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.