Knock jokes
If you are reading this, it is already too late to ignore. You have been chosen by the Unseen Guest.
My name is Kaeleen, and I am the last person who held this message and failed to pass it on. I am writing this from a place where there is no light. It started with a whisper in the corner of my ceiling, then a scratching sound under my floorboards. I thought it was just the house settling. I was wrong.
This isn't a joke. This is a digital tether. By reading these words, you have acknowledged the Guest. It is now aware of your location. It knows the exact layout of your home. It knows which door in your hallway doesn't quite lock properly.
THE RULES: You have exactly 27 minutes from the moment you finished the first paragraph to relocate this message. You must copy and paste this entire text into 10 different comment sections, forums, or group chats.
WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU SUCCEED: If you share this, the tether is severed. The Guest will move on to the next person who opens the link. You will feel a sudden chill leave your room, and for the next 7 days, you will experience a streak of unexplained good luck.
WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU FAIL: At 3:00 AM: You will hear a single, heavy knock on your bedroom door. Do not answer it.
At 3:15 AM: You will feel the edge of your mattress dip, as if someone—or something—has sat down right behind you. Do not turn around.
At 3:30 AM: The Guest will whisper your name. If you hear it, it's over.
Knock, knock.
“Who's there?”
“The Twin Towers.”
“The Twin Towers who?”
“I thought you'd never forget.”
Ok, so let me tell y'all the lore. Basically, what happened was there's these mfs called Rhys and a guy named Mobrur. Mobrur is a fish basically from Bangladesh and Israel, so he's just a fish because he's Netanyahu's cousin, and Liam is from Australia; he's just a white piece of crap.
Basically, what happened was they knocked up each other because they were drunk and jumping on Netanyahu's beer belly, and it was all just a mess. Rhys is trying to get child support and half property from Fish, but he won't give it because he is nasty and claiming what isn't his, and he said, "No one likes you." So to summarize it, he killed him and is in jail now.
And there he met Mooha and he turned straight, Alhamdulillah! EVERYONE SAY ALHAMDULILLAH! He became straight, then Mooha got knocked up in prison and the guards beat them and they died.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Grandma.
Grandma who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Your.
Your who?
Your hoochie coochie stinks.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Only.
Only who?
Only you make my heart beat fast.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Kamikaze!
Kamikaze wh—
おいおい、お前を殺して、その塔ごと地面に叩き込んでやるぞ! いいな?
A kindergarten teacher is chatting with little John. The teacher asks John, "John, can you get me some pencils?" John replies, "Sure, I'll do it!" and accidentally knocks over a vase.
The teacher says, "Oh, John!"
John asks, "What does that mean?" The teacher replies, "It's kind of a synonym for 'You loser!'"
US Marine: Knock knock!
Al Qaeda fighter: Who's there?
US Marine: (Kicks down door, throws grenade, opens fire) FREEDOM, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!
Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.
Political Prisoner: Who's there?
Kim Jong Il: Boo.
Political Prisoner: Boo who?
Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The dwarf who couldn’t reach the doorbell.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
No one.
No one who?
No one who?
Knock knock. Who’s there? We ask the questions!!!!!!!!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yo mama!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and you’ll see.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
WE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the idiot.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
The chicken who?
*Silence*
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fuck.
Fuck who?
Fuck off!