Kids jokes

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.

What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.

The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five...

...but it left him hanging.

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.

New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

Students: "Sad"

Teacher: "Anyway, is anyone missing?"

Students: "Your parents!"

Kid: "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

Dark humor never gets old, like kids from Africa.

What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?

A disorder.

What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?

Suicide squad. 😂😂😂

A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.

Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?

Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.

Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?

Special Forces incoming!