Kids jokes
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
What do you call a gay kid on fire?
In middle school, we had to create words with magnet letters. Some kid laid the word "Animal Therapist". I changed one space and got sent home :/
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
You get a deep voice, you shit talk to 5 year olds.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.
In the morning at 6:30 AM,
Teacher: Who fought in World War I?
Me: Trump & Biden.
Teacher: Oh ok... well good job class, see you tomorrow and study your books.
After school,
Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing.
"She looks at her clock."
Teacher: And now I am sewed.
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Hot Wheels!"
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
When the school shooter starts doing Fortnite dances and the autistic kid joins in.
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.