Ketchup

Ketchup Jokes

Kid

Why is a ketchup bottle like a kid? Cause they're like, "Squirt!" (squirt ketchup).

Finger

Suck on a finger, once bite it off, taste it, put some ketchup on it, wait, I'm making a mess, I bit it off!

Self

🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.

No, not like you can ketchup!

Dog

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...

Dick

I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"

Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.

Mustard

What did the mustard say to the ketchup? "Quit running so fast, let me ketchup to you."

Dislike

If we get this to 1000 dislikes, I will do TWO joking keggars on Halloween.

So what are you waiting for? Hit the button, idiot.

Mermaid

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

  • 4
  • Word

    What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

    "This isn't ketchup."

    Word

    What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

    This isn't ketchup.

    Man

    How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.

    Tomato

    Knock knock.

    Who’s there?

    Ketchup.

    Ketchup who?

    Ketchup my slow tomatoes! 🍅😂

    Fruit

    Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?

    The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!

    Tomato

    🧀: C’mon tomato!

    🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.

    🧀: You’re a mile away.

    🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.

    Tomato

    Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?

    Because they can’t ketchup.

    Tomato

    Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"