Joke jokes

I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.

On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.

What color is Stephen Hawking's house?

It's a bungalow.

Knock knock. Who's there? Stephen Hawking. Wheelie?

My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.

I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.

There are "nun" good jokes.

Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.

What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.

What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.

What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.

The first orphan joke be like: What does the orphan not have?

A family.

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

Little Johnny when he makes a Uranus joke:

Little Johnny: I have achieved comedy! 😂😂😂😂😂

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."

I rate these jokes 9/11.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.

Your disabled joke on you can't stand.

Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?

Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

Why was 10 scared?

Because he was in-between 9-11.

Why did America lose the chess match?

They were down 2 towers.

Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!