Joke jokes
There is an upside to being an orphan.
Every bag of chips is family size.
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
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Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
What starts with "N" and ends with "G"?
Nothing.
I heard that your forehead is so big that you could build a neighborhood on it.
"Hey, you! Why are you so serious?"
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
What do you call a German that is blind? A not-see.
A: Why did the orphan not come to school today?
B: Because today we had a parent meetup.
Why were there two boys on the bay?
Because they were gay!
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?
"Just beat it."
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
A suicide squad.
What do you call a funny drink?
Punch!