Joke jokes
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop onions.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the bottom.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not Susie!"
I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A pork chop.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.
Most of the jokes are trash.
I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.
It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What is the thirstiest ocean in the world?
The Gulf of Mexico lol!