Joke jokes
What's cold, blue and makes women cry?
Cot death.
The Stiggs life is a joke. Wait, I forgot, he doesn't have a life.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
Did you eat Chef Boyardee's food?
No, why?
Boy are deez nuts so big.
Do you know Wildee?
What's that?
Will deez nuts fit into your mouth?
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
What's the difference between emo people and normal people? Normal people have wrists.
I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Joe mama is Joe mama (your mother) LMAO!
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?
A plastic surgeon. 😷
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"