it's jokes
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Have you heard about the movie about constipation?
Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.
I bought these trainers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with, but I have been trippin' all day.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go!
It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
Why didn’t Steven Hawking go to heaven? Because it was a stairway, not a rampway.
Why can't you tell anyone about space?
Because it's too out of this world!
Yo mama so fat even Dora can't explore it.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
Heh heh, get it? 69! Ha ahahaha!
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
You need to fuck off with this website. It's shit.
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9, right?
No. It's because 7 was a repeated 6 offender.
Person 1: A life.
Person 2: I don't get it.
Person 1: Exactly.