IT jokes

What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

Me: Uh, male?..

Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

Me: You silly goose.

*Silence for like three seconds*

Me: Still male though-

It would be fun, they said...

It was unsinkable, they said...

Wife: Honey! Do you like tea?

Husband: No, I like after "T"!

It means: the letter "U": you!

Why is the wheel the best invention?

Because it's wheely wheely great!

Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?

It was having a mid-life crisis.

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.

OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.

I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.

Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.

One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!

Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?

Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!

What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?

A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.

One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."

The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."

The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.

What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?

Your mom sings "It's the Final Countdown" while pooping.

This comment section is so dark, it could be Lil Huddy.

Hey guys! Ello here with an update!

I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!