IT jokes

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

If you humped a whale, it would humpback.

If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?

Why did the baby cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the chicken.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.

Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?

Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."

Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?

Good thing it was a "soft" drink!

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

I named my iPod "Titanic." It's syncing now.

It was not a hijack, it was Stephen Hawking.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!

What do 9/11 and gender have in common?

They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."

Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.

Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3

A Chinese couple had a black baby and named it Sum Ting Wong.

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?

The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.

I bought an orphan iPhone 8 Plus and he said he doesn't want it 'cause it didn't have a HOME button.

I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.