IT jokes
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.
It isn't rap music if it isn't about rape.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Why are orphans only able to have iPhone X's? Because it doesn't have a home button.
Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?
A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
because they'll never make it home.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."