IT jokes

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago, but she didn't tell me what it was... Anyways, I'm turning 14 next month.

We can't go under it...

We can't go over it...

We have to go through it!

I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.

But it was only on paper view.

No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.

I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.

Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"

Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"

Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."

Nevermind, it's retarded.

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?

It can't hit home.

Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.

I keep it in a jar on my desk.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.

The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."

The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."

Why can’t the blind man find love?

It’s called love at first sight.

I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.

Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."

My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.