IT jokes
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
I always talk to my taco before I eat it.
One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
You've got a body inside you--it's called your body bones.
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
You've got a body inside you. It's called your bones.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
"I need help, George Sink," said Jimmy.
"What is it?" said George Sink.
"Can you wash my dishes?" said Jimmy.
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Yo mama is so fat when she sees a bus full of white people, she thinks it's a Twinkie, lmao xd.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"