IT jokes
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
I wondered why the ball was getting bigger... then it hit me.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can, a house can't jump.
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. XD
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
Why was the Milky Way remembered...
Because it's... DELICIOUS!
So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
Person: I'd really like it if you'd stop saying my name all the time.
Random Person: Cheesus! That hurt!
Person: SERIOUSLY!?!?