IT jokes
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
Well, it really do be like it shouldn't, but it is.
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
So three retards walk into a classroom...
Sike, it was the garbage. They mistook it for their classroom.
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?
Ripping it off with a kick!
My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.
It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!
I was reading a book about gravity. It was so hard to put down!
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?
Because you need to planet.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."