IT jokes

Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.

It's still printing.

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

Why is the cheetah so fast?

Because it can't walk slow.

Why don't you wanna taco 'bout it? Cause it's nacho problem!

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

Why was the Computer late to work?

'Coz it had a hard drive... LMAO

If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?

A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.

Why did the koala climb the tree?

To get to the other branch. :)

He made it, don't worry!

Why can't blind people fish?

Because it was "see food."

So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."

For all of my musicians out there!

Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.

Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!

Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.

Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.

Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday!

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

Hey, I broke up with your girl.

-Me: What? Why?

Wait, what?

-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.

Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"

HOLY CRAP!!!

Crap with holes in it.

Get it? HOLE - Y?

Why did the Titanic and the iceberg hate each other?

Because the Titanic hit it.