IT jokes
Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.
I like it when girls poop, it's really hot.
I like the big butt orange holes when the brown farter juice comes out of the orange. I like [it] a lot 🤑 🤑 🤑 🤑 🤑
I get a big weiner when I think about big farting girls.
Your hairline is so bent, not even NASA can find it.
Why can't gay people have hairlines? Because it's not straight.
Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?
Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.
It's not funny, I know.
Why do orphans eat cereal without milk?
Their dad never came with it.
A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.
The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."
What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?
1. It stands for inflation.
2. It limits production.
3. It encourages cooperation.
4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
"Hey, kid, why are you so fat?"
"Why did you insult him? That's not nice."
"It won't matter, he's deaf."
It’s me back at it again.
The earth was flat till they buried yo mama!!!
I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.
The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.
The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.
LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.
Even if you do burn down an orphanage, it's not gonna matter. It's not like they have homes.
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.
Happiness is like food, not everyone gets it.
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."