Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much?
Me: Because I love miners!
There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.
What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.
I love balls, bro. So do you.
OMG, you wanna hear a joke?
Nah, I don't care.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
I love bread so much that I might join a bread cult.
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
I call this my great talk with Siri.
Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.
Siri: My mother? Huh?
Me: Did I stutter?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: It wasn’t a question.
Siri: I’m not sure I understand?
Me: You should understand.
Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?
Me: No, you b***.
"Gay Furry Femboys are cool."
Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3
What's a foot fetishist's favorite food? Hot dogs.
I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.
What is an Emo's favorite hobby?
Hanging in.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
I'm Jessica, and I really want to talk to Ashton Parkes.
I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.
Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.
I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!
I always wonder what girls are thinking about. Maybe balls.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
