INS jokes
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?
A Christian.
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?
They both hit me face down on the table.
Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."
Tony jumps off.
"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."
Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."
Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."
Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?
Christopher Reeves in a house fire.
The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.
There once was a commie called Ed. Usually known as Ned. He went to bed, Got shot in the head, Unfortunately now he was dead.
I went shopping, and then to the hospital, and then to bed, and then I promised to only say "and" once in a sentence.
I didn’t know what a class clown was till I went to a class and realized I was a class clown in kindergarten, and then I woke up from a nightmare.
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
If people who live in Canada are Canadians, I mean if they drink Fanta, they’re fantastic.
A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?
I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion!! 🦁
In a jar on his desk along with a lifetime ban from the zoo...
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂