INS jokes
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Why did the orphans have in common? They both don't have parents.
What don't Rick Astley and the Twin Towers have in common?
One won't let you down, while the other will.
What is the main group of teens in West Side Story?
New York Jets.
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have another pair of balls.
What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?
If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.
Who jumps the highest?
The emos; some of them are still in the air.
What do you call a black man in the dark?
- Nothing.
Why haven't they put Stephen Hawking in charge yet?
I entered ten puns in a joke contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny.
“Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad.
“Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny, and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother shit in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad fucking his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is fucking the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there with you, But not in the cage, but laughing at you.
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
What is the worst player in basketball? LeBron James.
So, there was this kid, and he went to a store and said to a person there, "I'm emo." Then the person told the emo, "Why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be hanging in a tree somewhere?"
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors? Surrounded by loved ones.