A priest is drowning in a river… A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says “leave me alone, god will save me.” The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked god "why didn’t you save me. " God said "I sent you three f*****ing boats and you didn’t take them! "
Roses are red, That much is true, But violets are purple Not F—ing blue!
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret in a corn field? Because they are full of ears! Now that was a corny joke. And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing
I guess that corn is a-maize-ing
this is an a-maze-ing joke =)
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind yo f…ing buisnes like damn
what do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye “it’s dye-ing”
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
when you are fing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you fk like your guys’ dad. Then you f*k your mom and she says the same thing.
I was in a maze and I got the end and thay congratulated me I said that was a-maze-ing
What is a cow’s favorite water sport?
What’s the hardest part about f…ing toddlers?
So I was watching tv right? then i f…ing got banged in the eye with either a remore or metal tongs “wtf”
Teacher: tell me what’s the solution of this equation? 30g + 24y + 15a - x^3 = 0
Student: 69 gay = xxx
Teacher: you’re out !!!
Student lies down on the floor, and then teacher starts f…ing him ^_*
There was a fancy dress party the theme was emotions. one guy came dressed in green and he was envy, another person came dressed in red and she was anger another guy came dressed in blue and he was sadness. Two indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear said he was deep in dispear, the other indian came with his d*** in custard and he said he was f***ing dicustard
I would tell you my jokes a bout pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing
when a kinderX=MsgBox(“you do not have permission to delete this item”,2+64,“error”)the abcsgarten teacher askes a kid to sing alphabet he said ab3defg teacher said do you like 3d he said yeah teacher yelled ok do you have a3ds yeah he said teacher goes ito his bag and sais say abcs or your 3ds will be destroyed he says ab3defghijlmnopqrs oh he learned well the teacher thrw the 3ds out the window the kid gets it and it still wirks then he googles abcs it goes to youtube and says abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz teacher is proud of the 3ds the class went home tekll ing pa
“TINY HANDS, EVEN TINIER BRAIN”
(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic :
…“Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man ? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!” (< leap week, muthafukas !) . . . “I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that’s synonymous for being fucked up, for instance”…
STUMP : TEENY DICK
BUMP : TINY TIT
GUMP : DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP : A FUCKED UP CHILDREN’S DISEASE
LUMP : IF IT’S MALIGNANT, YOU’RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP : OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP : AN ASS
DUMP : A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP : SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP : SEE “HUMP”
. . . and last, but definitely not least –
JUMP : JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL !!
… “Well that’s about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse !! …(splort!, plop!)… OOOOPS !! … sniff,sniff … Ewww !” (audience roars) “Fuhhhhk !.. I better go, 'cause I just went !! … Ha! ha! ha!”
…“Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen ! Good Night !!” …
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin’, guns poppin’)
“OH LORDY !!.. HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN’ THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!”
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi……….with the windows down) …Amen.
A duck walks into a bar and says “Got any bread?” The bartender says “No bread here.” And then the duck says “Got any bread?” And the bartender says “Didn’t I just fing say that there was no bread here?" And the duck says “Got any bread?!” And the bartender says "You stupid duck! Or should I say d? There’s no bread here. Don’t make me say that again, or I’ll pin you to the wall with a nail.” So the duck says “Got any nails?” And then the bartender looks surprised, and says “Of course I’ve got f***ing nails. Can’t you see them?” And the duck says “Got any bread?” And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
there is a ghost baseball game and one team loses cause of one player so they start boo-ing him!
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, cute lady! Woman: Leave me alone, you ugly two faced man! I already have a boyfriend. Man: Not for long! And then the man shoots the woman’s boyfriend. Woman: How dare you murder such a beautiful man! Man: Now you shall be my girlfriend. Woman: Never. And then the man takes the seat that the woman’s boyfriend was sitting in before. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder. Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly woman? Bleuch! Woman: What’s it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men? And then the man orders flowers and candy. Bartender: We don’t serve flowers, or candy. And the man shoots the bartender. Another man can’t believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man, and throws him out.
so my best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her and she started to cry.So I’d told her a ‘single’ joke then she said," Go and f…ing die you insensitive bitch!". I later said," ugh, fine as your BFF I will break his body for you-happy now?". She said," sniff yes".