Infidelity jokes

When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:

Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."

The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.

The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."

Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"

Maid: "No, the gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?

Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.

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I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

Many years of sex in the dark.

The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"

The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.

Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.

Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."

Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.

He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.

Wife: Honey, I love you.

Husband: I love you all.

Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!

I caught my wife having s*x with another guy.

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"

The boy said, "No, I don't know."

She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"

The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"

She said to him, "No, who is she?"

He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."

The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.

Yo momma so slutty, when she got a throat swab, the lab found eight different types of semen on her tonsils.

A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."

Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.

One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."

"How many men does your wife have?"

Hey, I broke up with your girl.

-Me: What? Why?

Wait, what?

-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.