Illusion jokes
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
You walk into an area that has big asses on the wall, and they feel lifelike, so you put your dick into them, and you go on the opposite side of the wall, and women are naked through the wall.
Putin's words paint a picture of his world as vast, but in reality, it is shrinking.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
What is a dog that does not walk? A magic dog.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
Eminem-o the Great.
10 Fun Facts.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
What do you call a magician with no magic? A dyslexic c**t.
A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.
But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?
I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."
What do you call a magician that makes beer? Brew-dini?
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)