Why did Daveon decide to become a magician? Because he wanted to make his problems "Daveon" disappear.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
Eminem-o the Great.
Me walking in to the office: Principle: tell me what u did? Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.
A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.
But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
I make weed disappear, what's your superpower?
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.
I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
A Snorlax was in a bar, and he was drinking beer when an Eevee and a Rockruff hopped onto a stool. The Eevee ordered an oran berry special for the both of them.
Snorlax: Y'all make the perfect couple.
Random Zorua: Dragonite, is it just an illusion, or is that Snorlax fatter than this region?
What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
Ian.
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
