If jokes
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
If O2 is H2O, what is F?
It is H2O too; F is water as well.
If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.
If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.
The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
If you believe in Allah, you will go straight to heaven, Mashallah! 😍
A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
If 7 8 9, why was 10 scared?
Because he was between 9 11.
If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?
A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.