Hows jokes
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!
Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His computer got a virus.
How did pioneers name Canada?
They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"
That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"
Dad: How was your trip to the park?
Daughter: It was good until the man came along.
Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?
Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...
Dad: Oh God, what next?
Daughter: Nothing, that was it.
Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!
How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."
How did the toilet react when it received a gift?
That was so pot full (thoughtful)!
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
Are we supposed to submit jokes?
This website.
Also, how did Trump's wall let this website in?
I smell up dog in here.
"What's up, dog?"
Nothing much, how about you?
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!