Howe jokes
How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road and didn't make it.
Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?
Me: He could feel it in his bones.
Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!
Heheh ;3
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.
How old is a blue plane?
Blue.
Memes
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire?
He won the F1 Wheelchair race.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You-neak up on it.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
How do you get "Dick" from Richard?
Ask him nicely.
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
How I talk: Hello
How Stitch talks: HeLlO.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.