Howe jokes
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."
One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.
Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."
My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His computer got a virus.
Memes
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How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
How did Stephen Hawking die? He went in the rain! 😂😂😂
How do you turn a hairy man into a feminist?
Just take out his brain and there you go!
How do NASA plan parades?
They plan-et.
How do you find out the price of an emo? You scan his barcode.
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.