Howe jokes
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
How did Voldemort lose his nose?
From uncontrolled Gold Mining!
How many South Africans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Memes
How to stop bullying?
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
I love teaching students
how to make them harm themselves.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
How do get a nun pregnant? Fuck her!
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
How are orphans like Spider-Man?
No way home.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.