Howe jokes

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!

How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.

Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.

How do you ground a Gen Z?

Make them go outside and socialize.

How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!

How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?

In the ashtray.

How do you suck a dick?

Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.

Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?

Answer: 16

Pedophile: You dropped your candy.

Girl: Thanks!

Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.

Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?

Girl: How far is your house?

Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.

Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?

Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.

Girl:.... Sure! :P

Audience:.........Dumbass girl.

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

How did Stephen Hawking die? He lost internet connection.

How to get your joke on every category? Michael Jackson, towers, morbid, emo, school, short, penis, sects, little Jonny.

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

Your dog's gone.

Your finances are done.

And your floaties.

At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?

There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!

What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?

There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."