Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.
Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.
Kid 1: Aw, thanks!
Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10
Howe Jokes
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
How do you see past that forehead?
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
How do Taliban parents feed their babies?
"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"
How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?
By squeezing his way in.
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
What is an orphan's least favorite show? “How I Met Your Mother.”
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until their parents come home.
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth? I don't know. Scan the code on your wrist."
How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just sit there and cry in the dark.
