Howe jokes

Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.

How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?

His dick tastes funny...

How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?

Because they both have eyes.

How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?

A: She kept stepping on a rake.

How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.

How do you enter your house?

Through Bill Gates!

How do fish get high?

Because they eat seaweed.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

How do you properly eat a vegetable?

You tip over the wheelchair.

How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?

Stop eating caterpillars.

There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.

How many are hungry?

A. 10

How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?

If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).

How do you get a nun pregnant?

You dress her up as an altar boy.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.