Home Jokes

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They don't have a home plate.

Why can't orphans have an iPhone?

'Cause they can't find the home button.

Girl: Wanna come over to my house?

Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.

An orphan walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Buddy, you have to go home." The orphan replies, "Where is home?"

If aliens were real,

then orphans would finally have a home.

The image shows a wooden guillotine with labels and prices for each part from Home Depot, accompanied by the text "Something you can do with your $600 stimulus check." at the top and "DIY PROJECTS & IDEAS" at the bottom. The parts and prices include: 24in x 24in, #16 plain sheet metal for $39.98; Everbilt 1/4in x 100 ft Sisal Rope, Naural for $7.97; 1in x 6in x 8 ft for $10.11; 4in x 4in x 10 #2 for $11.12; 2in x 4in #12 Galvanized L-Angle for $2.11; and 2in x 4in x 10 #2 for $3.88.

Why can't orphans have iPhones?

Because they can't find the home button.

My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.

What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?

"Me time."

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.

Friend: I don't know.

Me: A black market.

Orphan: I wish to be like Batman.

Genie: Your wish is granted.

Orphan goes home. His parents are dead.

Why can’t orphans play sports?

Because they don’t have a home team.

What store has the most vegetables?

A nursing home.

You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.

The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”