Home jokes
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.
I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.
Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."
Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.
Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.
It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Orphans maybe got phones, but they don't have a home button.
Why couldn't the orphan watch Spiderman? He couldn't find his way home.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.