Home jokes
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."
Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.
Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.
It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.
Orphans maybe got phones, but they don't have a home button.
Why couldn't the orphan watch Spiderman? He couldn't find his way home.
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.