Home jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
Why do orphans only have Samsung's? Because they don't have a home button.
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don't know what a home base is.
Based
Why does this website have a home page? It's an orphan joke waiting to happen.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
What does a house wear?
A dress.
Why was the orphan so good at baseball?
Because his coach said, "Go long or go home."
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.
Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
What's the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can phone home.
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.
What do you call a baby with red on it?
A baby in a microwave.
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.