Home jokes
What happened the night Stephen Hawking came home wasted?
Nothing... wife couldn’t tell.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.
Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?
He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Why do orphans suck at web design?
They don’t know what a home page is.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?
Because he did not have one.
What do you call an Indian that came home late?
A curfew muncher.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What's the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can phone home.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't get home.
Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"
The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"