Home jokes
I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."
The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.
Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?
They both jump in the toilet!
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?
Nothing... she couldn't tell.
I went home one day, and three guys—a Spanish guy, a Chinese guy, and a white guy—told me, "You should be proud of your sister. She won a trophy about knowing her flavor of meats." Then my sister told me that I was blindfolded, and she gave all of them a blowjob, and I had to guess which flavor that I was sucking on. I was right all the time, and they gave me a trophy. The Trophy says "Blowjobs of the Flavors." As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
What is the best way to run away from home?
Join the military.
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
"Others, Morris, Sal, Sal, Rasuba Marid, Things!"
My son is broken: "I think at home!"
Happiness!
I kept asking these kids where their parents are, and they started crying. I walked away laughing, thinking I love my job at an orphanage.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find their home base.
Why is an orphan's favorite movie Spider-Man: No Way Home?
Why do orphans like emos?
Reverse "emo" and put an "h" in the beginning.
Orphan: Have you seen my mommy?
Person: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes?
Person: SON SON??? IS THAT YOU MY LOVE?
Orphan: MOTHER!
Person: Let's go home!
Orphan: Uhhhh
*She was never to be seen again*
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...