Home jokes

What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?

They're both "sweet home Alabama."

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They don't have a closet to come out of.

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

What’s an orphan's favorite Marvel film?

Spider-Man: Far From Home.

I made a website for orphans.

It doesn't have a home page.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

What do you call an orphan? No home-o.

I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.

Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?

Because they don’t know where home is.

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."