HI jokes
π₯This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
Memes
Every male is expected to pass their driver's test. Paul Walker clearly failed his.
My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he canβt do either.
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
Kurt Cobain's last job was a blow job. He blew his head clean off.
Hi, I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hairdryer.
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?
He is waiting for his dad with the milk.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."