HI jokes
Stephen Hawking didn’t die.
His charger broke.
😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Memes
Every male is expected to pass their driver's test. Paul Walker clearly failed his.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
An emo went to high five a tree, and it left them hanging.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.