HI jokes

Why did Michael Jackson allow little boys to sleep in his house? Because he's bad.

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

Hi guys!

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

An emo went to high five a tree, and it left them hanging.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?

When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.

What was the name of the Mexican that lost his car?

Carlos.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?!"

Royal aka ZEPHYR gets cucked daily by Tyrone.

ZEPHYR watches Tyrone give his wife the genes he could never give her. What a loser.

What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?

A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.