HI jokes

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.

Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.

Lil Jimmy: Why?

Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.

Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕

When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?

Why couldn't the orphan watch Spiderman? He couldn't find his way home.

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

Hi, I'm new.

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

What did Hitler get for his birthday?

A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.

A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."

Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."

Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.

A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.

Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.

He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!