HI jokes

Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

What did Hitler get for his birthday?

A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.

Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

Why couldn't the orphan watch Spiderman? He couldn't find his way home.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.

Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.

Lil Jimmy: Why?

Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.

Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕

When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

Hi, I'm new.