HI jokes

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

Do you know why an atom is positive? He kept his electrons.

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

Hi 👋 I love 💕 you know I do. What a good night of a good [something].

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?

Because his dog had a sore throat!

What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?

"That is bull crap!"

How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.

How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.

How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.

Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.

Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!

Hi. Hhhh yrddd.

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."