HI jokes

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.

He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.

Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?

His head and shoulders.

Why did the orphan water his cereal instead of milk?

Their dad never came back with the milk.

The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.

What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?

Some desert!

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?

"It is ok, I forgive you."

Stephen Hawking died because his WiFi ran out.

Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.

The reason Steven Hawking died is he lost his internet connection.

Why did the dog walk out at night?

To scare his people!

Why didn't the bear leave home?

He could not bear leaving his family.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

He could feel it in his bones!

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.