HI jokes
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
Why is a waiter good at math?
Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
Memes
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
Do you know why an atom is positive? He kept his electrons.
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
Hi 👋 I love 💕 you know I do. What a good night of a good [something].
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.