HI jokes
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.
He never sees his kids.
Memes
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?
"Just beat it."
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
Why is a waiter good at math?
Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.