HI jokes
Yo son so excellent, he gone to a Rubik’s cube competition who competed against his daddy.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Why is jelly laughing a lot?
Because his friend goes nuts!
Memes
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
Teddy’s got a man in his Fanny.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."
Why did the kid cross the road?
He wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because the iPhone X doesn't have a home button.
Why did the dwarf laugh when he walked on the field?
The grass was tickling his balls.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."