HI jokes
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?
Because he didn't have a pen to write with.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
Memes
Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?
Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.
I bullied a handicap today.
What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.
I’m only curious how they closed his casket.
Hi 👋 I was wondering...
What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
Car-los
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
I love you.
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He forgot his eggs.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."