Hes jokes

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.

May he rest in pizza.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

Why was the dog stealing shingles?

He wanted to be a woofer.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?

Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!

Why did the orphan become a killer?

Because he knew they would not look for him.

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

What did 50 do when he was hungry?

58.

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."