Hes jokes

Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

Why was the dog stealing shingles?

He wanted to be a woofer.

Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.

My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.

May he rest in pizza.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

What did 50 do when he was hungry?

58.

How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?

Push?! He fell...

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."

Why did the carrot roll down the hill?

Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.

So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.