Herring Jokes

i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff

Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.

The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"

I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

Why did the silly girl 👧 put sugar under her pillow?

She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂

So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”

one day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed " YoUr AdOpTeD!" he said "yeah I know my REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato" and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayonnaise all over me.

Today there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there. When he was done, he had realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? A: You slap her

My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all and If i could borrow it.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Joe mama so fat dora can't explore her

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "i wanted your weight not your phone number"

Yo mama's so dumb when a robber stole her TV she said you forgot the remote

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.