Herring jokes

I was going to listen to a funny comment about abortion, but her joke was crap.

Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."

Her: "No."

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!

I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.

Yo mama's so fat that Dora couldn't explore her.

I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!

Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,

Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.

How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.

Jack & Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy...but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c0ck cuz Jill's real name was Randy.

Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!

Her name was Lola.

She was a loner.

At the Copa.

Then I saw her,

And I got a boner.

The next morning,

She couldn't remember if I banged her.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

Her (DYM 101).

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."