Herring jokes

Funeral

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Job

I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!

Hillbilly

How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.

Bank

I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.

Loner

Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!

Memes

Eye

Me: You have pretty eyes.

Her: Thank you.

Me: I can make them roll back 😈πŸ₯΄

Height

My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.

Mom

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

Mum

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

Wheelchair

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Necrophilia

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Mom

"Joe Biden's mom is so fat, she's very fat folks, she's so fat I'm gonna use her to build my new wall"-Trump

Toe

My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.

Halloween

It’s almost take her to Spirit Halloween, and then rail her in a spooky mask season.

Lucy

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."

Catfish

Prince, I promise you that "qwen" girl you're chatting with is a faker! I am the real lover for you, not her. She's a stranger!