Herring jokes

Yo mama so ugly that when the Kool-Aid Man busted through her wall, he said, “Oh no!”

Yo mama so strict that when Ponyboy told her that Darry hit him, she called the cops on Darry.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.

Yo mama is so fat that her wheelchair had to be made into a couch!

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

I bought my sister a trampoline. She sat in her wheelchair and cried.

Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

Yo mama so dumb, when her computer was asking for cookies, she grabbed a cookie, smashed it onto the screen, and broke the computer.

How did Helen Keller dance? Very Bad.

How did Helen Keller draw? With her hand.

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"